I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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