she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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