uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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