Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
