Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
