Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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