sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
