He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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