I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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