Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
