She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
