I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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