homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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