I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
