what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Quick, to the slutcave!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
