we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
