we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A+ Viking dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
