you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
