I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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