I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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