I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
