I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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