it hurts more in the daytime
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
