sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
