Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
