We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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