Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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