Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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