Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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