Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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