you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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