Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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