oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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