Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
