I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
