whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
