Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
two words: eviction party
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
