Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
