your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
