I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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