I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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