Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
