Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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