haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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