he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
