i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
