I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
