did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
