i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Too much gin, very little bucket
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
