i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
