Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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